2. We lose because we win

In this chapter i will discuss the years of the new beginning and the story of a man who's being will be alive forever.

8-9 Years

The year when i attended my communiun, my parents had always been Roman Catholic and so the communion was a tradition. We had to learn about Jesus and god during class. And we had to learn all kinds of songs to make this feast a joyfull experience. Children in beautiful white dresses and suits. Walking hand in hand towards the altar. It sure was a big deal, my whole family joined the feast at home and i got the most beautiful presents from them. A childrens bible, golden earrings and a necklace from my grandparents. A whole box full of gems from my uncle. A beautiful amethyst with a faery on top of it. I absolutely loved the presents and the attention. Even my dad came by to congratulate me. But he had to leave pretty fast. The last celebration in the large house i spend my eight years in. Because we would soon move to a village called Someren. In a small and very ordinary house. It was a quiet neighbourhood and it sure did need some time to get used to it. After summer i would attend my new school, a school for special kids. Kids with ADHD, Autism and other kinds of diagnoses. This school was odd, it wasn't that fun really. The kids tended to ignore me mainly, sometimes acting very irrational towards me. Actions even i didn't understand. Yet i wasn't special anymore, because everyone was. I did have friends luckily, i could play during recess and that really made everything better. I still had my long blonde locks but that ended soon enough when i decided to cut my hair short, new beginning new me. Apparently also new hobbies, because i got extremely interested in ancient Egypt. I went to the library and rented all the books about ancient Egypt i could get my hands on. Books from the grownup section about archeological foundings and theories. An eight year old girl knowing difficult theories out of her head and recognized the items they used during the ancient period. Being able to name every god and their abilities. Drawing pharaos in my drawing books. I was obsessed but also madly in love with ancient Egypt. I was longing to become an archeologist to examine those ancient temples, mummies and discover new great things! Okay back to business! During those years my father met a new woman called Jolijn. A 21 year old woman whilst my dad was 38 years old. Quite an age difference. They lived in apartments together and sometimes houses they would rent untill they had a place to stay for good. Jolijn was a very fashionable women and so much different from my mother. My father was extremely in love with her. Me and my little brother accepted her as a stephmom quite fast. My dad also bought a dog, a Stafford called Billie. A black little dog who was cheerfull but also rather dumb, it was a weird dog but we loved him dearly. Soon enough my dad bought the old house we used to live in during the eight years. I was glad! My memories were still there. But something was off. Something was different, like the vibe changed. My father and Jolijn decorated the walls with a different color, different tiles and different furniture. Everything changed except for the second floor, the floor where me and my little brothers rooms where located. Even though it kind of did look the same, it didn't felt the same. The room was empty, the bathroom was unkept. It didn't feel like the home it was before. But we decided to make the best out of it.

10-11 years

My father and Jolijn bought another dog called Henk, it was a dachshund and a chihuahua breed. His fur was very soft and we instantly fell in love with the puppy. At my moms house we used to have a cat called Nopel, we loved him too but one day he wandered off and never came back again. I was devastated and my mom agreed to buy me and my little brother a dog. We searched two days for a cute looking puppy and finally we found her. It was a rat terrier, and it was extremely energetic and happy to see us. It ran all over the place and loved us immediately. She was all alone, the only puppy left and we took her. We called her Loes, a cheerfull extremely loud puppy. During this year we also celebrated 'Sinterklaas' at our home. A Dutch celebration with lots of presents. We decided to play the game "suprise" a game were you would pick a random paper out of a hat for example, with a name written upon it. The name is the name of the person you have to buy presents for and make a nice decoration around it. We played this game with my aunt and uncle, yes the faery uncle. I decided to make him a pyramid out of cardboard. Apparently he had the same idea for me since he pulled my name. So we each received a pyramid. And oh how nice those presents were, chocolate, gemstones and the most special one of all..a necklace with faerydust in it. My most precious item from that day on. He told me that the powder contained real faerydust and would grant one wish. I made a wish but unfortunately forgot it haha! Probably a childlike wish to become a princess of some sort. Not much time after, my mom got into a relation ship with a man called Sjaak. I knew his two children from my old home. His daughter was my friend and former classmate, she used to be my princess and i was her prince, while playing outside during the earlier years. But now she somehow became my sister. I wasn't complaining though. Her big brother was a weird person. I usually made fun of him because his name was Janus and it rhymed with anus. He didn't like that but would never hurt me. However when my little brother said it, he would violently grab his neck. I really hated it when Janus did that to him! My little brother just turned seven. Janus himself was thirtheen, ridiculous. The relationship between Sjaak and my mom didn't took long, kind of happy about it. My mom disliked the way they treated my little brother and Sjaak proved his own kids right. Happy that was over! When i turned ten, my uncle gave me a statue of a pixie riding a weasel, still keeping it close to my heart untill this day on. Oh also lets not forget my grandfather, my moms father. He still taught me a lot about religion and spirituality. Twice a week i would get lectures about religion and spirituality, for a young girl i knew and learnt a lot. Even during school the teachers were happy with me. I was a very smart kid with good grades and they wanted to put me on a normal school again. I made huge progress. But, yes there is that but... something happened, someone i adored and loved died. I had the age of understanding what it ment for someone to die. Yes my uncle, the one who always gave me faeries and gemstones, died on christmas eve.

A hero who fought and won.

My uncle yes.. an extraordinary man for sure. His name was Willem, at a young age he was diagnosed with a kidney failure and wouldn't make it untill his tenth year. However he proved the doctors wrong, oh so wrong. He had to get to the hospital weekly and many many surgeries followed. However he wanted to live and enjoy his life the fullest. Never complaining, always enjoying everything around him. Having a house with a gigantic garden, a huge field and a forest! It was his paradise. He collected gemstones and loved to paint and handicraft things from clay or leather. A man with a creative soul. He spend lots of his time reading books about spirituality and what would happen after death. He knew that everyday could be his last day. He realised that very well. When you are conscious of time, you start spending it differently, more fully, more appreciated. This man was a walking miracle who inspired people. Words weren't needed to inspire them. His whole being was an inspiration to many. He was the strongest bravest man i have ever known. Fighting against the illness who slowly killed him bit by bit, smiling through the pain. Loving those around him unconditionally. The mind of a philosopher. And kindness, a kindness and courage one could learn from. He was and is still my hero. A man who fought untill his last breath. A man who shouldn't have been alive, a man who should have died as a ten year old. Survived against all the odds and grew to be a 47 year old wise hero. One might say death was the day he lost. But as he would say... "we lose because we win" and oh did he, oh did he win...

1. How it all started

Hey its me Marly again. I think its time to start my first chapter now. And yes that little baby is me! Funny how small we are when we are born. And thats exactly what i wanted to talk about. The absolute beginning. My birth, in this chapter i will give you brief taste of my first years on this earth. Fasten your seatbelts because here we go!

0 years

The day was March 17th 1997 when i was born in a village called Asten, located at The Netherlands. My mother Jacqueline a blonde woman with blue eyes took about eight hours to conceive me. With my father André by her side. They decided to call me Marly Maria Louisa Loomans. I was born a little too early, bit too small for a baby, and a lack of oxygen due to the umbilical cord being wrapped around my neck. But hey i survived! My mom told me i cried a lot, during the days, weeks, months who followed, i kept screaming my parents awake by my endless crying. My zodiac sign was a pisces, sensetive haha. Well i sure was!

1-2 years

I learned to walk even before i turned one year old, and the same ment for talking. My mom said it was quite exceptional. One of my first words were Cheese and Boobs apparently (the last one was my dads fault). During this period my mother got pregnant with my soon to be little baby brother. We moved to another village called Ommel, and lived in a very large house. When i was two years old, the little thing joined the earth! His name was Bart, yet i called him baker for some reason. Kids right haha. He was a heavy little boy and he barely cried. Yet he was adorable and smiled a lot. I loved my new baby brother. During these years i was a bit mischievous aswell. I kept playing hide and seek in the closet, throwing every object out of it and hiding there. I was always lost in the house. Either that or i managed to get tictacs stuck in my nose or ears. My moms hands were full of me.

3-4 years

The first extraordinary thing happened. My grandmother (Thea) whom always loved me dearly had passed away because of a heart attack. My parents took me to the house where her body was preserved, just for one last look. But i wasn't sad, of course not. I was a little kid not knowing what death was. So when the family members where drinking coffee in the livingroom, i sneaked away... Towards the bedroom where grandma laid. I climbed on top of the bed and told her stories, showed her drawings i made. When my father went looking for me and saw this he was very suprised but touched. She wasn't dead to me. The year passed and i grew to be a happy little girl. I played a lot, got lost a lot. (Really my mom had to put a collar around my wrist because i ran away too much). I always went to look for adventures. Played odd little games. Loved shiny stuff and crystals. Yes from my fourth year things got really interesting. My uncle, a very wise man. Told me about the power of crystals and how special they were. From that day on i started to collect them. They were my greatest treasures. He also tended to give me stuff with fairies on them. Which i loved just as much as the crystals. From then on the Grandfather (Gerard) from my moms side of the family started to teach me about Jesus and god. Just simple teachings nothing more. When i went to bed i was never able to sleep... every night when the lights were turned of i kept seeing the same thing. A spirit, a ghost hanging in the upper corner of my room. Waiting watching me. Crying every night so my mom could shoo it away. Sometimes i saw red eyes appearing from within the shadows. But those were just child imaginations right? Right.....? During school i was a little princess, a leader of all the children in my class. And loved by the teachers. Although i might have been a bit weird. I loved cats a lot and tended to act like a cat towards the teachers. Not really normal behaviour actually. Super weird.

5-6 years

This is where it gets really interesting and maybe a bit odd too. All of a sudden i started to talk about angels and death. About heaven and spirits. My mom thought it was scary, a little girl like that shouldn't say or even think such things! She was terrified and forbid me to look at anything heaven or angel related stuff. One day a teacher came up to my mother and told her i was a very unique special kid. They called those special unique kids "new age children". Since then my mom got more understanding and did some research on these "new age children" by reading books and asking information from said teacher. When i was six years old we went on a journey with my whole family towards Scotland. The country who touched my being and my soul. Fields full of green as far as the eyes could reach. Mountains, powerfull and standing there in all their beauty. The little rivers flowing softly through the highlands, salmons swimming up the stream to lay their eggs. Sheep and scottish highlanders blocking the road everytime we rode upon the country roads, away, or towards our little holiday cottage. The sky during the night, filled with millions of stars. The Milkyway, in a way i had never seen it at The Netherlands. It was mesmerizing. Scotland was and is still the place where my heart belongs. And i knew it even from when i was a little kid. The castles i visited. The cliffs i climbed while my mother yelled for me to get the hell down from there. It was perfect. On our way back towards The Netherlands my parents had a heavy fight in the car. It was absolutely horrible i still remember it very well. Me and my little brother kept silent for the whole journey. Once back, not many weeks later we received the sad news that the father of my father died. My Grandpa (Jan). The man was too young in my opinion, but his cancer didn't care about age. When he was laying on a hospital bed in his house. Still alive but barely moving, still talking though. The whole family around me was crying. My little brother was messing around and running around the room. I didn't get why they were crying, but because it seemed normal to do, i decided to join them. My grandpa, always making jokes till his last breath. But that wasn't the last thing he did. No. He sang, he sang before he died. Avé Maria he sang. With his weak creaky voice he sang. He sang as if it was his last life goal to fullfill on this earth. To sing was his dying word.

7 years

The year where it all started, the real beginning of everything. I might have been around for seven years by that time. Life started when i was this old. When everything changed and my happy little world turned into a normal spinning earth. And everything that was happy turned into something painful to me. It started when i was diagnosed with autism. My father thought i was the autism and not my own personality. I still saw beings in my room. This time it were mostly needles comming out of the walls. That made my mom decide to change my room in a more calming style. I agreed to that of course, i really wanted to sleep! My mom however seemed less and less happy everyday. Lots of fights with my dad and soon the news came. Divorce. My parents wanted a divorce. And thats what they got, a lot had been going on between the two of them. But i will get back to that in a later chapter. Me and my brother were devastated. This ment we had to move, go to another school. And our family? Our little family, was no more. From a young age i learned that love wasn't forever. And let me tell you, that was very confronting. This was a new beginning for the three of us. Me, my brother and my mom. My father moved out soon after. I would still see him. This is the end of the first chapter. But the beginning of the next. My legacy....

The idea

Hello, nice to meet you! My name is Marly but i like to call myself Arjuna. This blog, well...its about me! I know its kind of cheesy. Another snowflake thinking she is special. But i just wanted a place, a place where i could tell my story. Just for the fun of it...i think? Do i? Im not even sure myself... Anyway, this is the story, the story of my life. How it all started. This is The legacy of being alive.